Last weekend I attended the Women of Faith conference. The preconference was done by Sheila Walsh and Dr. Henry Cloud. They talked about following your dreams and it was really eye opening for me. I realized something that was pertinent in my life in the past and may be pertinent now. It has to do with marriage. Dr. Cloud shared a story of a women he had counseled in the past. She was about 40 years old and her dream was to get married. He asked her what she had done to work towards her dream and her response was she hadn't done anything because in her mind, if God wanted her to be married, he would bring someone into her life to marry. His question to her was "Do you think God is going to drop that man on your door step?". He helped her figure out what she needed to do to find that special someone and she is now married and is a dating counselor.
I kind of had the same viewpoint as the woman in this story when in my 20's and early 30's. I always dreamed of being married but figured if that was in God's plan for me, he would make it happen. Well, it didn't happen until I started looking. When I looked, he pointed out who he had in mind for me. I found that special someone when I was 35 and was married when I was 38.
I am facing that same thing now. I am a widow at 43 and I don't know if I want to spend the rest of my life alone. I don't think that is what Gerrell would want for me. I didn't really mind being single in my 20's and 30's but now that I know how great marriage and having a soul mate can be, I really miss having that constant companion. What do I do? Sometimes when I think about it, I have these feelings of guilt that I am even thinking about it. Searching for someone doesn't exactly excite me. Having someone dropped on my doorstep would be a lot easier. :o) Any advice would be appreciated!
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Having not been in your shoes...I don't know the right answer for you. I just had a few thoughts. I would start with prayer. Ask God what his dream is for you. The guilt, I would think, is part of your grieving process. I felt guilty when we adopted our first daughter after our little baby Grace died. I think it's a natural feeling. I didn't want to try and "replace" Grace...I wanted to make sure my grief was in a healthy spot before we pursued adoption. You'll know....ask Him. Search your heart.
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