Today marks yet another anniversary. It was one year ago today my Mom and I drove Gerrell to Mayo for the last time. He had gotten so weak and frail and I didn't know what else to do. He resisted going but I explained I thought it was the best thing for us to do. I never expected I would return home 2 1/2 weeks later without him. I have a feeling he knew what was in store for him and that is why he resisted. Maybe I should have just kept him at home and he wouldn't have had to endure all he went through in the quest to make him better. Like they say--hindsight is 20/20. We didn't know they that he had cancer and that is real reason he was so sick. I miss him so much and I dread having to endure the next anniversary--the anniversary of the day he died. I love you Sweetie.
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3 comments:
Careangel - you are beautiful in your grieving. Your sharing your process with us is precious and courageous... thank you.
We only knew of my husband's cancer for 3 months before he was relatively quickly healed via surgery... but I remember well the helpless feeling of hospital stays and doctor visits - the seemingly infinite poking and prodding... and always the questioning of whether we were making the right choices. The excruciating pain of a quiet house when he had to stay in the hospital overnight.
You loved and love him. You walked with him through what must have been the most difficult time of your lives. We only know what we are able to know at a given time - and you both did what you believed to be right at that time. Please know that your sharing the wisdom you're gleaning during this painful process teaches all of us. You have walked ahead of many of us and we respect your example.
May the peace and comfort of God be with you and all surrounding you in your hurting and continued healing tonight.
I'm so sorry....V's email said it so well. I'll be praying for you, too. Be gentle with yourself. She's right, you did what you thought was best at the time. Maybe if you didn't go to Mayo and kept him home, you would've been wondering what if? Praying for a special comfort and for God to show his love in real, tangible ways.
Thinking of you and praying for you through the anniversaries. My heart aches for you.
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